Wednesday, December 29, 2010

A 25 Marks answer on Indian cinema!!!

Hmmm... thought of writing about this long time back. Since this subject is always cumulative have to wait to learn more till you finally pen it down. But I realised how many ever years pass, how many ever stars fade by, the base line of Indian cinema stories will be the same. Few typical movies are

1 family drama movies: Sooraj Barjatya ones.
Movie kam gana bajaana jaada... u never know y they start singing.. hero meets heroine song.. his bro meets her sis.. sing and dance.. both families meet sing and dance... now his bro proposes to her sister.. still hero and heroine will sing and dance ( confused!! I never understand y always they are singing??!!)
Then marriage 3-4 singing and dancing... then kill anyone.. or bring some sad situation.. now only sing holding pillars and dried, leaves shredded trees... tears rolling... cut..
Someone will realise their mistake and then back to happy family... final sing and dance with a happy family picture at the end everyone laughing, when the clown in the movie cracks the worst possible joke ever( driving u out of the theatres.... ).

2. Again family drama, but I call it flash back movie:
Let’s call it the great Rakhi movie( I dedicate this to her for her “mere bete ayenge.. mere karan arjun ayenge..” dialogues... I felt like burying her alive....)
Happy family... mom ,dad and variable number of children....( depends how u have the twist latter) Enter villain.. he/she enter seeking help or as a relative of this family or close to this family.. eyeing the grand wealth they own.. thadaaaaaaash.. one fine day he snatches everything from them(90% he kills the father) and leaves the widowed mother and kids.. observation goes Rakhi’s happiness was destroyed by Ambrish puri in most movies I watched... ;)
Now twist... suddenly mom falls ill.. bro 1 runs north to get doctor and bro2 run south to get doctor. After 20 years bro1 will be Amitabh Bachan and bro2 Rajnikantha :P(my movie is a hit!!! 500 crore project!!). After 20 years they meet in a boat, train, bus where ever possible and fight. Later find out they are bros.. how?????
Simple flashback...20years back they had their mom’s passport photo torn into halves. Each having a half of it... when they join it after 20 years they have passport photo of rakhi... :P(CUT IT!!!!)
Now revenge... go hit Ambrish Puri.. while hitting.. first heroes get hit badly.. then suddenly when they see their blood they are reminded of how their dad was killed, mom abused.. blah blah blah... and dishum dishum dishum... By then, they would have found their mom and respective wives to be. So, the end with a happy family “ say cheese” photo.

3.twins magic!!!
Hilarious ones!! Seetha aur geetha,chaalbaz,and likes... u twins separated... one will be suppressed and the other will be suppressive.... funny part of such movies is when they both meet and say “ you look exactly like me” and at theatres people will be “ wow!! Wonderful!!” .Hello people Sridevi== Sridevi will return always true. One more part is they both WILL exchange their locations to teach the negative(observation here is there will be a gang of negative roles here, not a single one. One negative page 3 kinda aunt is also available for sure) people a lesson!

4. Bhoot movie
Ladies will be the bhoot always...( I think men should apply for a 33% reservation there!! ;)) .They prefer white sarees... (I would suggest the idea of using them in surf excel, areal and tide ads.. I mean they are the high priority customers...)They leave their hair loose... and best part.. they sing song that are all time hit!!!! My question.... y do they sing song??? That too at odd times.... But one thing I appreciate about this kind of movie (thanks to the Hollywood counterparts.. )they are evolving.. from just entering human bodies now a days they enter TV, Mobile, elevators, Escalators all possible things...

5.Suspense/thriller/crime movies
These movie day by day are getting stupid. Forget of movie for a minute CID is a serial that is featured in Sony entertainment television. Idiocy is at top. We just buy it saying may be in future tech will improve this much.. Imagine one day one of our client a hard fan of such a movie coming to us to develop something like that... Our firms will accept is saying most challenging project... Think of our plight... Hence these movies should be banned... IT professional should submit a memo to the govt to take action against such movie.. else like farmer today we may find S/w enggs committing suicide..

6.Love story
Poor boy rich girl (if audience demand a different love story or a variety swap them I mean rich boy poor girl) and they meet in train, bus, auto, disco ,temple depending upon the easily available place for shooting. Then the villain will be the rich dad of course... he’ll offer a suitcase full of money( they open it and show each time to give the clarity for audience) then ask the hero to forget heroine(90% money is offered to heroes).. Hero rejects... result.. kidnap of his family members( mostly mother or a bin bihaayi behen) then chase and dishum dishum. Finally at the end dad accepts their love.. moral “laathoke bhoot, bathonse nahi maanthe” in short... CRAP!!!

7.Police or social responsibility
Issue??? anything .Our country is full of issue. So this type of movie owes variety... the hero “ONE MAN ARMY” takes the responsibility to clean the city, at times the country from evil deeds(villain’s bread and butter)He’s sure to have a sister and/or mom for the senti scenes.. Kidnap chase, dishum dishum as usual.. only change is here and there we can have court scenes(I love those “your honour” dialogues) else drag in media ( few photographers and journalists) to ask opinions about the hero to common man.( they’ll say he’s Bhagwan)

8. Brother/sister senti
One big bro or sis (rarely still does we have a few) will do anything and everything for his/her siblings. One fine day the siblings forget what their Bro/sis had done for them( audience should say... “how mean”) and another finer day they remember what they forgot.. The End.

9. Mahabharata/Ramayana
I don’t need to say ,u guys can guess it!! Here we already have a script ready...

Other than these we have really different / hatke movies.. countable ones though... Still I love Indian Cinema (after all it’s so predictable!!!! ) .