Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Statutory Warnings


The new trend followed in Indian cinema amuses me.  Do whatever u want but before showing you say... Naah.. we are not promoting.. we don’t support.. But the character is bloody doing it.. U see it’s a story..
According to me it just doesn’t work.. yaaa may be if the maker is guilty of showing stuffs he can get rid of the guilty feel.. other than that I don’t understand how it works.
Indian Cinema these days runs on heroism than stories. I’m a hardcore fan of rajinikanth.. I mean come on.. he’s way too entertaining.. Whenever I think of his films few things that come to my mind are like Basha- Beedee, Padayappa- cigar, and n movies-saaraayi packet(local liquor) Mind u in all his films he’s a common man with goody good char which makes him next thing to God. What superman what Spiderman.. We have a 60+ man working round the clock with all their super powers put together..  Well so the point is he’s depicting a common man, which too a goody good man and he’s drinking and smoking.. People have no idea what rajini fans are like.. They idolize him.. his dialogues his style.. everything.. I mean everything.. so even drinking and smoking.. u say 10 sec don’t drink and demonstrate exactly opposite for 2.5 to 3 hrs.. What’s the outcome..
But definitely I can’t see style without a cigarette or cigar sometime the local in me will like to see a beedee lit hero.. So what I found funny is the censor board’s ideas of saying don’t do just for the heck of it. Either people shouldn’t have the idea, else don’t show it. Ban all those drunkards to see films where the hero drinks and smokers from watching a movie where the hero smokes.. That’s real punishment to get them back if u insist ( no I’m not even farly related to Adolf Hitler.. err sometimes I happen to possess him.. )
Well since I’m not the authority to decide what to be shown and what not to be. I thought of helping the censor board a little more with statutory warnings like…
·         Smoking at public places:
Err we have a warning “smoking is injurious to health” would like to suggest to change it to “smoking at public places is injurious to others health as well”
·         Chase scenes:
“Speed kills.. Rash driving is punishable offence” err in addition to this line “ stop taking 100/200 from every second person: to traffic police” Inspired by b’lore traffic police.. We love u J
·         Rape scenes:
“Crime against women is condemned. Punishable offence”
·         Signal jump scenes:
“Follow traffic rules, else roam with full wallet” again b’lore traffic police love u J
·         Jumping off train:
“U’ll be fined for jumping off”
·         Smart hero travelling without ticket:
Ticketless travelling is punishable offense.
·         Dance and song sequence on roads:
“ Hindering traffic is punishable offence. U need to acquire prior permission for such crazy stuff” we do get permission for crazy stuffs except if it’s for some genuine cause :P
·         Fight sequence:
“Violence against any civilian is punishable offence” just in case the villain is an import from some other country we can always have aamir khan saying “athithi devo bhava”
·         Copying in exam scene:
“Such acts results in debarring”
·         Eve teasing:
“eve teasing is a punishable offense” err on a personal request can I have one more line dedicated by all ladies who had go through eve teasing troubles “ghar pe baa behan nahi hai kya”.
·         Suicide scenes:
“U r resource of the country. Killing urself is punishable offence”
·         Red light area scene:
Critically acclaimed movie will be the most hit. “Human trafficking is a punishable offense”
·         Bunking college scene:
“Shortage of attendance will lead to 0 attendances at exam”
·         Scene were a char rejects another char’s love proposal on basis of color
“Racism is  punishable offence”
·         Husband hitting wife and children:
“Domestic  violence is punishable offence”
·         Villain’s den scenes:
Remember mocambo khush hua scenes. This is specific to b’lore audience will generalize later.
“ All your building plans should be BBMP approved”
·         Villain’s den with too many fancy lights:
“Electricity is precious. Preserve it”
·         Hero throwing the coke can and kicking it:
“Stop littering”
·         Someone beating up a police official:
“Hitting on duty government employee is punishable”
·         Bomb scenes:
“Planting bombs are punishable offence”
·         Hero hitting people in foreign locations:
“Indian embassies worldwide doesn’t support violence by an Indian”
·         Hero and heroine scribbles their names or rocks:
Again aamir will help us here with his tourism ad
·         Hero riding a motor bike without helmet:
Helmetless riding is punishable offense. Plus the statutory warning dedicated to traffic police.. B’lore traffic police.. Love u again.
·         Hero traveling on footboard of bus or train:
“Foot board travelling is punishable”
·         Killing scenes:
“Attempt to murder or murder is punishable”
·         Heroine hiding an assassin hero in her cupboard/ under the couch/coat scenes:
“Assisting murder or sheltering a murderer  from law is punishable”
·         After killing, character shown cleaning the blood stains and mess scenes:
“Destroying evidences are punishable”
·         Robbery scenes:
“Robbing is punishable offence”
·         Dowry/bribe demanding scenes:
“Offering or receiving of dowry/bribe is punishable by law”
·         Child marriage scenes(balika vadu.. will run this full on)
“Child marriage is prohibited by law”
·         Hero or heroine or villain shouting at old parents:
“Respect old people”
·         Kissing scenes on roads(India):
“Public display of affection without the boundaries of decorum is punishable” plus “gets free classic cult abuses from police”
·         Burning bus scenes:
“Destroying public properties is punishable by law”
And so on… last one for
·         Rain scenes:
“Drenching in rain causes cold. Take shelter”


Hence basically Indian films are full of illegal elements. I think for all punishable offences we can add the penal code and amount of fine or yrs of imprisonment.  After implementing these, will get free “download of latest movie without statutory warning” with a warning “piracy is crime”.

Any addition to this is definitely welcomed by me.. will share the gaalis equally J

Monday, September 17, 2012

Happy B'day Lil Sis


She...
She was a tiny thing that came to our life some 20 odd years back.. She was pink in colour with black curly hair big eyes with eyebrows always shot up. God alone knows what she was surprised abt. She made her presence felt with her hi pitch.. err.. no it can’t be called crying.. no not shouting.. not howling.. it was above all.. above 20K dbs. Lucky we were that we got an ultrasonic instrument to kill those flies and mosquitoes. But we did pay the price. Now if u say.. i have any hearing problem root case analysis of the problem will reach her..
Life was ok for me, as she was still a baby. I had my life till I was may be 6. After than sob sob sob.. y mention. She joined school, the very school which was mine now became ours just like my parents became ours. She was exceptionally intelligent as a kid. So intel that i never had to sweat to fool her. She was gifted a electronic watch in 1st std by our aunt. When its battery dried off she thought the watch was damaged and can’t be put to use. So she threw it in our municipality dust bin so that mom won’t find out she damaged her new watch. She used to say that she was dad’s lil girl. Horrible was she used to say dad gave birth to her and as proof she used to point to my dad’s pot belly which she took to be pregnant. Poor thing she waited for delivery of her younger sibling but the day never came.. now its abode of a triplets at least who r never gone come out..
She used to be a good student. Simply because she had nothing else good to do. In school she made my life a hell. She hit a boy with her shoe in LKG right in front of my eyes.  She let go off her first front teeth in LKG again just because she fell while jumping from bench to bench. I the poor thing had to stop her cry else our under construction school then would have fallen like a house of cards. She offered me her Tiffin on a Saturday and told mom I snatched it from her. I got nicely from mom because of this. She got lost once. I searched for her all round the school hysterically sobbing, asking everyone had they seen a small kid in school uniform, getting into the prohibited and dangerous under construction building to check if she was around. After all the trouble dad came to pick me up. I told him she’s lost. He took me home.Where I saw her sit at the door. She thought I was wasting time in school playing so she busy madam in LKG didn’t wait for me but left alone and reached home on her own. All the while I was searching for her. That day I felt like burying her alive 6 ft underground. She had her first worst accident (scars yet reminds the accident) at 3-4 years. She accidently stepped into boiling water, hurt her badly. I and mom rushed her to hospital thanks to our owner aunty who helped us when dad was not around. It was her right.. err left.. err one leg which was full of blisters. Ok before u sympathise with her wait!! After all this the little monster announced to the world that I pushed her into boiling water. Now sympathise with me u all.
She’s the worst person to fight with. So avoid. Well wait.. If u avoid she won’t let go. If she wants to fight with u (read out power u in argument) she’ll follow u and try every possible way to get u into an argument. Win it and sleep satisfied. If she didn’t find anyone she’ll pick up petty fights with kids half her age without any shades of shame. In fact she even managed to fight with our cousin bro.. Who’s good 8-9 years older than her. Poor thing he cried a lot saying he hurt her while madam was walking around the house like she liberated Indian from east India Company. Its next to impossible for getting an apology from her. If u happen to be one who got one then it’s as good as seeing Christ himself. You are blessed.
There was time in her life when her favourite hobby was crying. No not the initial ones. It’s in upper primary school. She used to come from school and find reasons to argue with mom. Finally she’ll sit and cry. It was almost daily 5pm to 5 30pm show at home. We never bothered to check what’s it. Finally she stopped only because of pure boredom. She takes herself and her opinion on everything very seriously. May b just as no one takes them seriously. She believe in her beliefs which to me sound clear stupid. But when me or our parents try to say it’s stupid she’ll look in total disbelief that how can it be stupid it’s her view  and she termed as all stupid instead.
She used to believe a lot in bhoot which was a boon for me. Easy to handle her. “I’ll tell u a bhoot story” is as good as “I’ll feed u rat poison” she’ll run away. But sad part was we used to share a room. If she’s scared she used call me in between my sleep. Lately I got to know I was the bhoot in her dreams and she used to call me to check if I was in my bhoot awatar or anu awtar. Pity me. We used to sleep in first floor. Have a bathroom next to our room. But she’s so scared that she’ll walk all the way to ground floor in dark, wakes up my mom to stay awake till she’s back from bathroom. Then she’ll come back to first floor. I still am not able to figure out what kind of fear is it. She’s scared of cockroach. Yes its true she’s is like hell scared even of lizards. But she has no problem with dead human body.
She kept her bone set in her study room as if it was on exhibition. Our maid one day went to sweep the room. Next we saw her running out screaming. Madam had kept the skull on the table. Maid might have thought she’s well versed in black magic. She didn’t look a doc in any angle then. Now?? Now she has cleared all exams they have redefined how docs look like.
Her crushes are also equally tasteless. The whole Prithviraj craze was too much to handle at home. if he even comes for an ad of something as cheap as grass she’ll point to it and say it’s a product he endorses as it it’s bless to be considered by him. I and Nayana had tough time tolerating her singing romantic songs of his films. Well.. Singing how could I forget this. Those who know the song “hoove hoove “ from H2O please ask her to sing it for u. You’ll hear the never heard version of it. It so happened in high school her class teacher asked everyone to sing compulsory in class. She won’t do anything without enough home work. She got a tape recorded with that song. Originally sung by the K S Chitra. Played it repeatedly and sang along with it. Neighbours thought we are mourning (group crying, howling, screaming out of pain) for some dear one’s departure. Finally on the D day she half sang the song when her classmates started clapping. Which stirred her up.  She voiced “aye!!’ and sang the rest of the song. That was the last time her class teacher asked her to sing.
It can go on like this. But let me not trouble Google guys. So today is b’day of the object in discussion here. Gal wish u a very eventful year ahead. May u b blessed with night and day duties back to back. May u get the chance to attend 15 deliveries at a time. May u get more chance to do embroidery on human skin at causality. God don’t make me the one she get a chance to stitch. She’ll stitch my mouth first and my fingers next.
After posting this here.. I’m absconding. Please don’t file an FIR or missing person complaint. I’m offline for my own good health and long life.


Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Copypastians


This post is dedicated to the legendary (Barney Stinson effect) “ctrl+c and ctrl+v”

Disclaimer: if the persons, objects or anything else referred in this post resemble anything living or dead is none of my business to burn my head on.. :P
This is abt a super couple Mr Copy and Mrs Paste.. who help majority of human beings on earth.. they save the world.. :)
They indeed helped a lot.. I’m expressing my gratitude to them in this way... thank you copy and paste for being a life saver for me.. :)  U along with Google helped me reduce the effort and time on my work..
I’m not the only one benefitted from u guys.. there are so many.. from school kids who copy the notes given by teachers on blackboards (rather green i guess these days) and having them in their notebook.. and life savers  for them during exams..
Film industry is also benefitted.. one man creates and others  uses the story to make a brand new film in a diff language actually having the same base story.. (eg.. wanted, rowdy rathore, agneepath ,don etc..).. u guys should be credited for ur work..
TV is almost using it too much.. i mean in an annoying way.. ekta kapoor a lady has been earning a lot under ur gratefulness.. she runs so many shows in almost every channel all saying almost the same story.. i think u guys should ask for a pay cheque for ur services..
There is an Indian writer by name “chethan bhagath” he started a revolution in Indian English novels..  he indeed did a credible work in the beginning novel.. later on.. he was just using u guys in his further works.. not too much but indeed u guys favoured him.. bad news was when a lot of IIT and IIM guys jumped into this world to be another “chetan bhagath”.. i think u guys really worked overtime to help them.. such ungrateful guys i should say.. they didn’t even say a thanks to u and ur existence..
Ur story is really a tear jerking one.. sob sob.. u worked ur bones and muscles out so much and no one even talked abt u.. But still u guys never asked for anything and still continue to be saviours for i dono so many.. Thanks for being there.. salute u both 

PS: copypastians are those people who take out super couple help often.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

How I did it.. Secrets revealed!!!

After successfully completing my graduation and working with an MNC with the help of the same degree.. I would love to reveal the great secrets of how I reached here...
Before I begin.. Actions explained here was performed by the expert (ME!! ) not to be practiced or tried at home.. I won’t be responsible for the loses like( less or worst no pocket money, emotional attyachars of moms.. verbal insults by father or mockeries by siblings :P)
It all begun on the fateful day when i was tossed to the world of education.. I was very young and innocent.. I didn’t know that MARKS,RANKS,GRADES like stuffs ever existed.. I thought spending time bheja frying mom and dad at home was what life is.. ( well after my sister took that responsibility from me i was kinda jobless... but really appreciate that she had not left a single pebble unturned in doing the job up to perfection.. err.. pebble as stone will be a bit hard to turn for a baby :P) I was happy.. Content.. Watching mahabharath without understanding even a bit of it.. Fighting with my neighbor son sunil was world for me.. sob sob..
Once I entered school.. mom got serious abt the ABCDs.. which i though was fun scribbling.. and kannada letters.. a aa.. e ee.. was night mare for me.. counting the number of apples and oranges in the book.. i actually though mom doesn’t know how many are there.. but once when I answered wrong.. she gave me one thud!!!.. making me realise.. she actually knows..  UKG was ok.. 1st standard introduced me to additions and subtractions.. 2+2=4 mom used to show me 2 oranges and again 2 oranges count now how many are there.. i would count and say 4... mom then asks. So how much is 2+2.. i would be.. “eh?? Wat.. weren’t we counting oranges.. wats that she’s asking...” how hard it was to learn i dono but how hard was it to teach me u still can get an answer from my mom.. she even once said I was one of the dumbest.. then came algebra, geometry, grammar in languages.. I remember an English teacher telling me I should reduce the use of ‘and’ and ‘the’.. I was using ‘the’ at the beginning of every sentence i speak and ‘and’ as a replacement of comma, semi colons..
I was poooooooooooooooooooooooooor in kannada.. i still remember my kannada note books were superbly decorated with red ink circle meaning “mistake” and shashikala ma’am throwing my note book in disgust for I dono how many times.. the book used to come and land on the floor as a UFO.. she was an athlete.. (discus throw her main item :P) my hand writing was errrrrr.. well, i should say luckily i have to type here if i was supposed to write, it would come under the screenings of FBI, RAW and ISI as a new encryption method.. so the grace 5 marks for gud handwriting was forgotten..maths and science was wat i was gud at as I found some meaning in studying that.. I was shocked to know plants had life.. I even imagined a plant wiping of its tears with a leaf when I plucked a flower off it.. I even felt guilty of my acts..
Languages were a complete “not interested to know” stuffs for me.. i don’t want to know wat Shakespeare was thinking when he wrote some poem.. the question “ wat does the poet wish to convey by saying rising sun is beautiful when u see its reflection in the flowing river water?” my answer would be “ he meant wat he said..” but wat i’m supposed to write will me “ so clear is the river water that sunrise appears so nice on it” i never till date understood poetry.. similes ,metaphors.. arrrrrrrrrrgh..
Exams i thought was like running race.. who gets out of the room first will score more.. I dono how many times i have skipped answering the last letter writing and essays so that i can have an extra hour to play in the school ground.. i was quiet fast with sums so maths i used to finish off early.. before my 7th board exam during the study holidays.. mom was busy with some house shifting and all.. and as she was not bugging me I was busy catching butterflies, enjoying our garden and nature.. at the nth moment when my mom sat with me for revision she realised that was not revision but actually vision time for me..
I was in 9th std when it dawned to me that i need to study because err... it was my job on hands as i’m in school.. luckily to my mom’s suprise i started studying ( i cann’t say seriously as i never did it) My mom was happy with my grades.. I hated social studies and as usual the languages.. with sandhi, samsa, lakaara.. i had opted Sanskrit.. so grammar in Sanskrit was written and used my BC people.. i studied it for 5 years.. now wat i know is “thava naama kim?” meaning “wats ur name?”
To the utter shock of my parents and disbelief of my sister( she is a little serious abt studies type.. so she finds me as a total non sense, crap, gud for nothing item.. err.. even today) i passed my SSLC with flying colors.. My relatives and close family people put me into “intelligent kids” group.. that was the biggest mistake in my life.. from that day expectations mounted on me.. people saying “aree.. nair sir ur daughter can do it.. she’s intel...” will make my dad’s chest broader and and my hair density thinner.. but i fought back with my laid back attitude.. sleeping on physics text book in 12th std, chemistry tuition, biology tuition sir calling me a doctor.. to anyone other than me could have been scary.. but i’m a bravo.. thats their expectations.. their problem.. none of my business..
With the very same attitude i entered engg college.. for the first time in life.. I met so many variety of students.. big college.. i was lost in the crowd as i wanted.. had no complaints..
Here i studied few subjects of wat was allotted to me.. which actually interested me.. and the other few subjects which i didn’t like.. i skilfully wrote the exam.. come on i’m into writing exams since UKG by my BE days i should have mastered it.. Practice makes man perfect..
1 subject i should mention SSD(Solid State Devices) in 5th sem or 6th i guess.. was the one subject i passed with 35 marks out of 100 external and 25 out of 25 internal.. big time joke.. i didn’t study for the exam.. i was too tired to study for the exam.. i locked my room and slept of on my book.. morning i got up by 6 and saw i was at some 10th or 12th page had my exams at 8-9 am.. wat can i do.. i tried crying so that my sleep will vanish and i can study.. but that was not required as i felt a little pressure and read around 50-70 pages in an hour.. went to exam.. when i got the q- paper.. there was only 1 question for 20 marks which i knew the answer.. without wasting time i wrote it.. i was like ok.. 20 marks is done another 30 marks i need to write so that i can manage a 35.. giving the evaluator a luxury of 15 marks.. but i didn’t know answer to any other question.. panic stuck me for a moment.. i took a time out.. counted the number of pages in the answer booklet.. marked a page to indicate the middle of the booklet.. and looked around.. everyone was writing.. my close friend was almost inside her answer booklet.. Invigilator gave me some looks which i ignored and turned my eyes to q- paper.. decided to fill half the answer booklet with something i know abt the subject which i studied in that 50-70 pages.. i started answering all the questions.. it was like when asked to write an essay on cow.. u tie the cow to a coconut tree and u write abt the tree as u know only abt the tree.. all equations derivations everything.. we have 8 questions each of 20 marks.. and out of which we have to answer 5.. i ended up answering 8 questions and was writing till the long bell.. after the examination was finished.. i did the next best thing to save my sinking titanic SSD.. visited temple.. promised to offer coconuts to God if i pass.. Phew!!!!!!!!
BE exams were fun.. if the q-paper was easy no one will talk much.. if in case it was difficult.. we used to laugh uncontrollably..
Wat i followed
• Never carry book to the college or school on exam days excepting to put some final knowledge into my head at the nth hour.. ( anju and archi used to hate me for disturbing them at the nth hour studies :P)
• Go to exam on time not before.. a little late is also ok.. but never too early
• Never discuss anything of the subject before entering the hall.. talk funny thing.. keep ur mood light
• Once the exam is over.. don’t stay back and discuss on the questions.. we have next exam to see. Past is past.. no point in banging ur head on it..
• Once exams are over live free till the results are out
• Once the results are out.. use ur common sense.. Its gud to have curiosity to know how much u fooled the evaluator but it’s not wise to be anxious abt the same.. no one better than u know abt ur fate
• 90% of my results were actually informed to me by my friends as i never bothered to go and check.. a million thanks Archi.. If u were not there i don’t think i would have ever know my results on the announced day it self..( she even used to take print out of the same and hand it over to me.. which i promptly tossed off somewhere..)
• Even if u are scared to hell abt ur exams.. understand it’s ur problem.. u brought urself to this situation.. take responsibility and don’t pass ur tension to ur parents.. my dad and mom always said a “all the best” and blessed me.. after exams both ask how was it.. to which i would say..” i wrote wat i knew”.. dad wil say “thats wat was excepted na”.. mom will sigh and say.. “God knows”
• If u fail in exams.. its not the end of the world.. if u have failed once ever in life.. u’ll go through that.. humiliation, that extra sympathy thrown at u by ur friends.. its true even friends will not know how to react when u act cranky abt it.. so prepare for it next time and don’t spoil ur friends mood..
• Committing suicide is the last thing if u fail.. its simple.. when u fail u are actually demonstration it to people that ur way was a wrong ways they should be thankful to u..
• Finally if u cleared it.. don’t go out and shout to the world u did it.. thank God, thank ur gud stars, thank ur luck and move further
I have stopped writing exams once in 6 months or on monthly basis.. now i face it daily.. with the roller coaster of my life till know i have seen gud 26 years of life.. I consider myself Gods favorite child.. because i have lived up to wat i wanted myself to be.. without much hassle..
P.S: Vinnie if u are commenting here.. stick to the twitter rule.. 140 letter not even one extra.. :P

Friday, April 13, 2012

Self tagging :P

Saw this tag somewhere and picked it up as i'm jobless.

1. Yourself: Single, straight in all sense, Scorpion, bangalorean, funny and fun loving, try to be relaxed and happy.. errrr lazy...

2. Your boyfriend/spouse: None

3. Your hair: black, little softened but even that looks a curly mess.

4. Your mother: one who believes i dono anything and i need her advice and guidance in every smallest step of my life.. at times she's true but not always..

5. Your father:one person who can stand strong by my side to all the wrong steps i took in front of the world defending me and back at home defeating me when i try arguing i was right.. he's the reason for the maximum portion of my secure feeling in life...

6. Your favorite item: Myself.. and waterver i love at that movement.. right now its my Pc,Scooter,Phone,I pod.. etc..

7. Your dream last night: I was at Ooty and fighting with a giant fellow to save my 2 scoops of new flavor ice cream.. which i couldn't taste thanks to my alarm...

8. Your favorite drink: Water.. At least during summer

9. Your dream car: Land rover

10. The room you are in: not a room.. my own cubi..

11. Your ex: someone i dont like to talk abt :P

12. Your fear: Heartbreak..

13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Actually... Grown up

14. Who you hung out with last night(Saturday) ? A couple of engineering classmates on sunday.. saturday was a sober one.. friday with mom and dad.. yeah.. we are a gang :P

15. What you're not? manipulative and manipulatable..

16. Muffins: chocolate muffins

17. One of your wish list items: A sensible manager

18. Time: running out of hand..

19. The last thing you did: had lunch and was victimized for managerial atthyachar

20. What are you wearing? kurti and leggings

21. Your favorite weather: Rainy one

22. Your favorite book: ok.. now we need to create a collection of the object book :P

23. The last thing you ate: McD scipy paneer burgger.. I'm dieting u see

24. Your life: Uncertain

25. Your mood: A Little irritated and enlightened :P

26. Your best friend: this is a killer one.. i have a lot and lots of good friends if i select one of them as best.. i'm gonna die the next minute i publish this..

27. What are you thinking about right now? a good Nap and abt cleaning my trash can err house

28. Your car: need to buy one


29. What are you doing at the moment? making fun of someone

30. Your summer: Skin tans and sun burns :(

31. Your relationship status: Single

32. What is on your TV? some music channel and on my PC a movie or You tube videos.. I luv multi-watching

33. What is the weather like? Sunny

34. When is the last time you laughed? Today

Monday, December 26, 2011

My Adventurous China Expedition

OK... before anyone start ringing me saying... “anisha.. u went to china... didn’t let me know.. how mean.. I would have asked u to get some fried cockroaches...” firstly.. People.. Have home food.. try preparing them at home... Secondly... I didn’t actually go to china...It’s just that yesterday night while I was deep in sleep I just happened to be there in my subconscious mind... ok... enough of bheja fry... in short I meant I had a dream.. kinda roller coaster one in china..
Since it’s a dream... you won’t find logic... (Don’t u dare say... “Dear 90% of what u do won’t have it”) I’m writing it now because after 2 days I may not properly remember what all happened... I don’t exactly know y I was there.. I actually got into Bangalore metro with few buddies for the first time... and when I got out of it... I was in china all alone... I was LOST IN CHINA...
I dono exactly where in China (i was lost may be that’s y) I tried asking people... “Which way leads me to India??” they knew only Chinese language... They replied to me politely in that... even if they had said something rude also I wouldn’t have got it.. I said I understand English no Chinese.. They still stuck to Chinese... I mean how bad... if it was here on hearing English anyone could have managed to say a “take left/right” at least they can use their hands for indicating directions... but no... They won’t... I asked so many people... But felt I’m asking the same persons again and again.. All answered me in that “i-dono” language and all appeared to be from the same family...( cheeni cheeni bhai bhai)
I prayed to GOD please help me... How will I get out of this place.. I forgot to mention... there is a chase sequence as well... I dono who for what on earth was chasing me to death... (I have no enemies or friends back in china) So, in short... “meri baandh bajj chuki thi”
In between I had lunch from a Chinese hotel... I don’t remember what I ordered... but I paid them 360 INR... FOREX didn’t mind there I guess... Then came the best part... my saviour was chosen by God... Mr. Will Smith... U won’t believe it.. He bashed the goons and saved me... (yupieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! I couldn’t have ask for a better dream.. This is the main point y I thought I should write it down and let the world know) Logically speaking it should have been SRK since from days he’s everywhere on TV and I’m a fan of SRK ( people saying.. “anisha grow up.. sarsoke kethwale scene ke din ab gaye..” listen.. “I WON’T GROW UP”)... My luck got me the best... He was in “I am Legend” look.. I thank my good stars he avoided to bring that dog along..
I told him... I’m lost there... and I’m in danger... He said he’ll try his best to help me out.. He asked some Chinese people in their language... (Maybe he learnt while jade’s karate kid) and told to me... the way to reach India...
The route was... “I have to cross the Great Wall of China... and it’s India on the other side of the wall..” Can u believe it??? Well I did... I said ok...
Thing is I knew the way to great wall of china.. I thanked Will and left... next thing I remember is I was walking over the Great Wall of China... (Wasn’t I supposed to cross it...? I have no clue of what was I doing over it...) I walked the full stretch of the wall.. I reached the dead end... and suddenly I realised I have lost 5 Kgs.. I dono hw... I was so happy.. I called a friend of mine... (Who preaches me dieting) right from the wall and said... “Hey listen... guess what... I lost 5 Kgs...” she said “kudos... keep the good work going...” (Did she mean to say... I need to keep walking over the wall???)
Well I don’t remember anything after that... Or may be I broke off the dream by waking up... Whatever... The first thing in the morning I did was to walk up to my weighting machine and check my weight... and Bloody hell 5 Kgs were back 

Monday, September 5, 2011

You Dirty Dog!!!

I want to dedicate this post of mine to all the stray dogs anywhere and everywhere.. I hate them.. I hate them.. I hate them.. I hate them.. I hate them.. So now u know exactly what I feel abt them and the depth of my feeling…
I belong to DVG where stray dogs are there, but considerably the population of stray pigs is more and the most watched scene was stray dogs chasing stray pigs. So I rarely had much issues with them, except once.
Then I was riding my cycle on my way to tuitions early in the morning, a dog came running behind me. His/her(I never got the luxury of time to clearly make out) mouth with that tongue that was falling out almost near my feet.. I was speeding off with my bicycle in a downward slope. I never thought abt applying breaks after I saw it chasing me. Finally it came with me till DRM Science College. It directly went near canteen. After making me scream and run for my life and breaking a spoke in my bicycle’s wheel, it was on its way to have its breakfast. It might have got enough entertainment, I’m not sure. But the people in and around that area had.. Grrrrrr.. That four leg one tail fellow embarrassed me..   
While I was at DVG, I heard and read abt the stray dogs attacking small kids in Bangalore.. My blood boiled with anger. Later it cooled down as I thought neither I was staying there nor was I a kid so that it could attack and get away with it..
I landed at the IT Capital and troubles shot up for me b’coz of this 4 leg 1 tail fellow..
• If I buy anything to feed myself on, like may be a piece of black forest cake(yummy..) this fellow with its nose will know what I have in my carry bag and chase me to get away with the prize.. my food.. I bought it for me u DOG, not for u.. And I bought it because I was hungry and the way u look, u seem to have a feast every hour a day.
• Later I thought let me have it at the bakery only, standing there. It’ll not chase me. When I bought something, this moron who was around that place, started to hop around me. Which made me scared and go hoping too. Eventually I dropped and he caught. Again MY FOOD..
• I felt like having chicken biriyani. Had got the recipe so thought of making it. Went to buy some raw chicken. While coming back I saw 4-5 dogs waiting for me. This time I asked the guy in the store almost begging holding his feet(virtually) please accompany me till my home.. He started laughing saying. No it won’t do anything. (When did I say it’ll do something to u? I have my reasons dude. ) finally after making fun of me with others he came with me.. Embarrassment!!
• I love walking listening to music. I was walking a day happily to my home ( I was happy b’cos I was early from office that day) my hands were in sync with my legs and I was in total rhythm of the music.. Suddenly I felt my left hand tip moist and touching something soft. I just slowing, in rhythm with the music turned to check it.. I saw a stray dog licking my fingers.. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggghhhhhhhhhhhhr.. I screamed.. Jumped.. Sprinted.. Howled.. (Completely not in sync with the music) and the dog came chasing me. Then few men and a lady came to my rescue. There were nearly 25-30 on lookers.. Laughing.. The lady offered her hand to it.. Yuk!!! She said it’s a sweet dog.. Who knows she might have licked it too. Yuk…
• A friend of mine was attacked by 3 huge stray dogs and was on sick leave.. I visited her.. she showed few marks also..(She won an appreciation for bravery from office 4 fighting with dogs, I prefer giving it a miss.. than fighting with those creatures..)
• I read abt a 2-3 year kid becoming food for some dogs. Horrible!!

The list is never ending. The number of times.. I screamed for help, the amount of food I unwillingly fed them with, , Amount of fear in me for them which all eventually took the form of hatred without boundaries towards them..
Every day I’ll have encounters with them. Morning while I need to take my vehicle out I see one sir/madam laying in front of the gate as the place is registered under his/her name.. When i make enough. Aye.. usshh.. hats.. he or she will move off. At office there are so many stray dogs inside the compound wall(even after having a cow catch laid out at the entrance). They shit in the parking area and dirty the place.. They quarrel there.. They actually live there.. I was a lot pissed off with that.. I came to know one fine day that they are adopted stray dogs and are adopted by my wing’s head and his cabin is just a 5-6 steps from my cubi.. Felt like walking up to him and hitting him. But I really needed this job and while leaving a good record here. Y can’t he take them to his home and give them a better living?? Grrrrrrrr………
All u people supporting and sympathizing for stray dogs like few NGOs.. U r ideas of birth control on strays are not welcomed..(Thing is they operate the dogs and leave them. Dogs bearing that pain will take any human as an enemy later for few day and attack. Something kinda happened with my friend) If u really care, adopt them. TAKE THEM TO UR PRIVATLY OWNED PLACE and take care of them. U can later sell of their puppies else u do birth control surgeries there. So many kids are attacked. It might be ur kid also one day. I don’t buy the idea of giving stray dogs importance than a human kid..
If the fear is of extinction of stray dogs.. I don’t think it’ll happen … dog lovers can adopt one of these kinds than buying fancy ones(All are dogs eventually) which will be better than sympathizing on them and putting other people’s life in danger . I mean If u really care, take care of them, else keep quiet and let others do it in their way.
I may sound selfish here. Don’t think otherwise, I’m, very much. When it comes to ur safety and life if u r a little selfish I don’t think it’s a sin. Isn’t it?