Statutory Warnings

The new trend followed in Indian cinema amuses me.  Do whatever u want but before showing you say... Naah.. we are not promoting.. we don’t support.. But the character is bloody doing it.. U see it’s a story..

According to me it just doesn’t work.. yaaa may be if the maker is guilty of showing stuffs he can get rid of the guilty feel.. other than that I don’t understand how it works.

Indian Cinema these days runs on heroism than stories. I’m a hardcore fan of rajinikanth.. I mean come on.. he’s way too entertaining.. Whenever I think of his films few things that come to my mind are like Basha- Beedee, Padayappa- cigar, and n movies-saaraayi packet(local liquor) Mind u in all his films he’s a common man with goody good char which makes him next thing to God. What superman what Spiderman.. We have a 60+ man working round the clock with all their super powers put together..  Well so the point is he’s depicting a common man, which too a goody good man and he’s drinking and smoking.. People have no idea what rajini fans are like.. They idolize him.. his dialogues his style.. everything.. I mean everything.. so even drinking and smoking.. u say 10 sec don’t drink and demonstrate exactly opposite for 2.5 to 3 hrs.. What’s the outcome..

But definitely I can’t see style without a cigarette or cigar sometime the local in me will like to see a beedee lit hero.. So what I found funny is the censor board’s ideas of saying don’t do just for the heck of it. Either people shouldn’t have the idea, else don’t show it. Ban all those drunkards to see films where the hero drinks and smokers from watching a movie where the hero smokes.. That’s real punishment to get them back if u insist ( no I’m not even farly related to Adolf Hitler.. err sometimes I happen to possess him.. )

Well since I’m not the authority to decide what to be shown and what not to be. I thought of helping the censor board a little more with statutory warnings like…

·         Smoking at public places:

Err we have a warning “smoking is injurious to health” would like to suggest to change it to “smoking at public places is injurious to others health as well”

·         Chase scenes:

“Speed kills.. Rash driving is punishable offence” err in addition to this line “ stop taking 100/200 from every second person: to traffic police” Inspired by b’lore traffic police.. We love u J

·         Rape scenes:

“Crime against women is condemned. Punishable offence”

·         Signal jump scenes:

“Follow traffic rules, else roam with full wallet” again b’lore traffic police love u J

·         Jumping off train:

“U’ll be fined for jumping off”

·         Smart hero travelling without ticket:

Ticketless travelling is punishable offense.

·         Dance and song sequence on roads:

“ Hindering traffic is punishable offence. U need to acquire prior permission for such crazy stuff” we do get permission for crazy stuffs except if it’s for some genuine cause :P

·         Fight sequence:

“Violence against any civilian is punishable offence” just in case the villain is an import from some other country we can always have aamir khan saying “athithi devo bhava”

·         Copying in exam scene:

“Such acts results in debarring”

·         Eve teasing:

“eve teasing is a punishable offense” err on a personal request can I have one more line dedicated by all ladies who had go through eve teasing troubles “ghar pe baa behan nahi hai kya”.

·         Suicide scenes:

“U r resource of the country. Killing urself is punishable offence”

·         Red light area scene:

Critically acclaimed movie will be the most hit. “Human trafficking is a punishable offense”

·         Bunking college scene:

“Shortage of attendance will lead to 0 attendances at exam”

·         Scene were a char rejects another char’s love proposal on basis of color

“Racism is  punishable offence”

·         Husband hitting wife and children:

“Domestic  violence is punishable offence”

·         Villain’s den scenes:

Remember mocambo khush hua scenes. This is specific to b’lore audience will generalize later.

“ All your building plans should be BBMP approved”

·         Villain’s den with too many fancy lights:

“Electricity is precious. Preserve it”

·         Hero throwing the coke can and kicking it:

“Stop littering”

·         Someone beating up a police official:

“Hitting on duty government employee is punishable”

·         Bomb scenes:

“Planting bombs are punishable offence”

·         Hero hitting people in foreign locations:

“Indian embassies worldwide doesn’t support violence by an Indian”

·         Hero and heroine scribbles their names or rocks:

Again aamir will help us here with his tourism ad

·         Hero riding a motor bike without helmet:

Helmetless riding is punishable offense. Plus the statutory warning dedicated to traffic police.. B’lore traffic police.. Love u again.

·         Hero traveling on footboard of bus or train:

“Foot board travelling is punishable”

·         Killing scenes:

“Attempt to murder or murder is punishable”

·         Heroine hiding an assassin hero in her cupboard/ under the couch/coat scenes:

“Assisting murder or sheltering a murderer  from law is punishable”

·         After killing, character shown cleaning the blood stains and mess scenes:

“Destroying evidences are punishable”

·         Robbery scenes:

“Robbing is punishable offence”

·         Dowry/bribe demanding scenes:

“Offering or receiving of dowry/bribe is punishable by law”

·         Child marriage scenes(balika vadu.. will run this full on)

“Child marriage is prohibited by law”

·         Hero or heroine or villain shouting at old parents:

“Respect old people”

·         Kissing scenes on roads(India):

“Public display of affection without the boundaries of decorum is punishable” plus “gets free classic cult abuses from police”

·         Burning bus scenes:

“Destroying public properties is punishable by law”

And so on… last one for

·         Rain scenes:

“Drenching in rain causes cold. Take shelter”

Hence basically Indian films are full of illegal elements. I think for all punishable offences we can add the penal code and amount of fine or yrs of imprisonment.  After implementing these, will get free “download of latest movie without statutory warning” with a warning “piracy is crime”.

Any addition to this is definitely welcomed by me.. will share the gaalis equally J